Sunday, May 13, 2012

I Love My Mom.

So, Mothers' Day is one of those holidays that's kind of messed up and redundant...your mom has has to put up with your dumb ass for at least whatever 365 times 18 days of her life equals; you should probably appreciate her more than one day out of the year. Some gloppy half-raw pancakes and a weak ass grocery store bouquet of flowers mayyyybe don't quite cut it.

But I digress.

I wanted to post a picture of my mom, but I'm writing this (with moderate difficulty) on my iPhone, and couldn't figure out how. So instead, I'll just talk about some of the cool things she's done for me. When I was little, my mom used to play this game with me that we referred to as "taste test". This basically consisted of me (and sometimes my friends) gathering the grossest stuff we could find in our house, mixing it up, blindfolding my mom, and making her eat it. She allowed this relatively frequently for several years.

She also took the Santa and Easter Bunny gig to the extreme. On Christmas Eve, she would literally stay up all night, not only wrapping presents "from Santa", but wrapping them in completely different paper from her own, disguising her handwriting, and writing me a lengthy letter from Mr. Claus gushing about how great I am. For Easter, she'd search all over the county for the most unique, fanciest candies and chocolate items, and arrange them just so, and then went to great lengths to find a totally new hiding spot every single year, even after I knew it was her hiding the basket.

One year, I had a slumber party around Halloween. My mom made individual carved jack o'lanterns filled with candy for all 8 or something of my guests. Who DOES that??

Now that I'm older, my mom and I occasionally go out for drinks together. When I was single, she was dead set on finding me an attractive, sensitive, funny, (preferably rich) man. In doing so, she inadvertently set me up with a jealous sociopath, but she certainly meant well. Thanks, mom!

My mom is also VERY supportive of anything I endeavor to do (as most good moms are), and is also wildly out of touch with reality. For example, upon reading this very blog, she immediately called me to suggest I become a professional writer. Comical, but sweet. My mom has done countless wonderful things for me, and she is the largest reason I am who I am today. So if you're reading this mom, happy Mother's day, I love you, and I'll be searching for an agent post haste.

Ps. I apologize for what I assume are numerous typos; there is no convenient way to proofread this on my phone, so obviously I'm just not going to. I just viewed this, and apparently iPhones don't automatically insert line breaks, and I forget how to do them using HTML (nor do I have any idea of that would work with a phone), so I'm just leaving it for now. I'll go back and fix it later. Just imagine separate paragraphs where appropriate, mmkay? (I have now fixed the major issues; however, I was half asleep and literally in bed when I wrote this, and recognize that this whole post is horrendous and choppy. I'm not fixing that mess. Deal with it.)

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