Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Seasonal statements; gross candy.

It's autumn.

I mentioned before that I'm an "autumn hipster". What I meant is that I've always loved autumn. I don't know if autumn has always been the most popular season, or if it's actually just blown up in the past five or so years, but I certainly never noticed it before. Maybe it's because I grew up in western New York, where autumn literally lasts 2 weeks...

Okay, side note. I live in Delaware now. I've been here for over three years, and before that I lived in central Pennsylvania for about two years. I haven't actually lived in New York since 2006. However, I grew up there, and lived there for 22 + years. Please believe when I say I don't exaggerate when I say that the Buffalo area is, IN ACTUALITY, FREEZING COLD from late October until early May. It LITERALLY SNOWS from anywhere from mid October to early November until AT LEAST late April. That's hard to imagine, living in VERY temperate Delaware, but it's true. I'm really not exaggerating. 

Anyway. Fall is wildly popular these days. I'd like to talk about this.

I'm a seasonal person. I have always been into pumpkin flavored shit in autumn, peppermint and eggnog flavored shit during the Christmas season, and light fruity things during summer. And margaritas. And such. I'm a sucker for all of that. But I realize that, and I'm starting to question my actual fondness of all of this nonsense.I feel like this year, everyone got all bonkers over autumn themed everything WAY early. It's STARTING to get cool here, but half the time it's still 85 degrees during the day. I have not seen one leaf change colors thus far. It's over a month away from Halloween, and Macy's has Christmas trees on display. What! I can't even.

 So anyway, around this time each year, I get domestic. I start decorating my house according to season, baking pumpkin/apple/cinnamon items, and burning warmly scented candles (my favorite is my maple syrup candle from Yankee Candles). And each year, I buy candy corn and set it in my living room. Last year, I just bought candy corn and caramel apple  suckers, and set those bitches out. This year, I bought every single seasonally flavored candy I could find and threw that shit in a tacky candy corn patterned plastic bowl. Guys, I'm not really a candy person to begin with. I don't EVER buy candy bars. Not that I'm a health fanatic; I'm just not really into them. I'd rather eat half a gallon of ice cream. Or bake some chocolate chip cookies and eat three pounds of dough. So every year, I buy all this candy and put it out, but I don't eat it and no one ever comes to my apartment, so it just all kind of melts together and gets sticky and disgusting. And that's when I JUST buy candy corn. All of this seasonal candy is unappealing, to say the least. I had a bunch of candy leftover after I filled my ugly plastic bowl, so I brought the rest to work and had fun making everyone try it. A summary of what I purchased and the general consensus of each candy:

  1. Caramel Apple Milky Ways. These were the most potentially yummy sounding. They were not yummy. I don't really like artificially apple flavored things to begin with. The artificial apple flavor gives me a headache, for some reason. Also, I couldn't figure out what, exactly, was apple-flavored. The caramel itself? The nougat? It was an unpleasant mystery. And the chocolate just completely clashed with the whole thing. Ick. I don't think anyone really liked these.
  2. Pumpkin Spice Hershey Kisses. I LOVE pumpkin flavored things. Despite this fact, these just SOUNDED gross to me. These were horrifying. Just so, so gross. The kiss itself was some kind of cheap white chocolate orange grossness, and then when you bite into it, you get greeted by this awful white goo. The whole thing was WAY too spiced, and just tasted like sugar and cloves. These kind of divided the crowd; the people that hated them (almost everyone) REALLY hated them, but a few people LOVED them and said "it tastes just like pumpkin pie!" Someone else said something to the effect of "What really concerns me is that someone tasted this and was like, 'Hey, this is great! Let's sell these to the general public!'"
  3. Caramel Apple Candy Corn. These were inoffensive, but not great. The general consensus on these was "meh."
  4. White Chocolate Candy Corn M&M's. I actually just dumped the whole bag of these into my bowl, so no one at work got to try them. These sounded the second grossest to me, behind the kisses. I actually found them to be somewhat edible. They don't taste anything like candy corn to me. I think they're just white chocolate M&M's in candy corn colors. I normally don't really like white chocolate, but they certainly could've been worse.
  5. And of course, I bought some original candy corn as well. I personally love candy corn, but I can only eat a piece or two before I get screaming pain in my teeth. And I DEFINITELY can't eat those candy corn pumpkins. I cringe just thinking about the pain. People are always divided on candy corn - again, those who like it REALLY love it, and those who don't HATE it.

Anyway, my point is this: I bought all of this nonsense simply because it's fall, and I love fall. I would never in a million years normally buy ANY of this stuff, with maybe the exception of the milky ways, just out of curiosity. I am most definitely a Seasonal Sucker.

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