Monday, June 25, 2012

My life, and what to do with it.

I bet you guys thought I died at the Italian Festival.

I didn't.

Moving on, then. Recently, I've come across the realization that I'm not getting any younger. At first, I was shocked. And then I decided that I need some kind of a game plan. I'm currently a server at a steakhouse, and while fulfilling and enjoyable, this job just won't do as a lifelong career.

But Jessi, you say, you're 27 years old! How do you not know what you want to do with your life?! Are you some kind of irresponsible slacker?! WHERE IS YOUR MOTIVATION!??!?!?!

Good question.

Okay, okay. I actually DO know what I want to do with my life. Eventually, I want to open a small-scale gourmet dessert shop. And I want to call it "Treat Yo-self". But first I have to determine if NBC will find out/sue my ass for calling it that. Also, I need to have more money. A lot more money. A small-scale gourmet dessert shop probably isn't going to net me a whole lot of cash money, especially at first. So really, what I need to determine is what the hell I'm going to do until I am fiscally stable enough to open my shop (which, hopefully, will be in the next 10 years).

So. Here I am. By the way, I'm noticing that the size of the font that I'm typing in is a little hard for me to read. This was never a problem before. Am I going blind?? I kid about getting old, but isn't 27 a bit young to be losing vision? I'm wearing contacts, for Christ's sake!

Anyway. Over the years, I've held a myriad of jobs, in various fields. I've worked for a bank, sold large kitchen appliances, sold tobacco products online off of an Indian reservation (?!), and worked for a telecommunication company. I've done customer service, supervised and sold. I have a lot of relatively varied experience, and I'm clean-cut, polite, and well-spoken. I learn hella quickly. Though generally pretty lazy in life, I have a pretty damn good work ethic. So, for the love of all that is holy, WHY CAN'T I FIND A FREAKIN' JOB?!

I mean, I could be looking harder. But I've found that the overwhelming majority of places that are willing to hire me want to pay me the salary of a 17 year old high school student. And most of the jobs that I'm ACTUALLY qualified to do, and would probably excel at, would prefer me to have a college degree. So, my choices are as follows: A.) Suck it up and keep waiting tables until I've saved enough money to NOT wait tables; B.) Take a major pay cut and accept one of the positions that are actually being offered to me, knowing that I'll eventually work up the pay scale; C.) Go back to college, get some sort of business degree just to pacify potential employers, and theoretically waste thousands of dollars; D.) Hold out for some kind of miracle job to smack me in the face and pay me a generous salary to do fulfilling and interesting tasks of some sort (AKA what I'm currently doing); or E.) Turn to a life of crime. Maybe money laundering (I think you need money to begin with to do that, though), racketeering, or pickpocketing? Those seem kind of old-timey. I don't really have the stomach to do murder-for-hire. Drug dealing? Maybe?

So, anyway, I'm looking for a job. Preferably with normal hours (nine to five or something comparable), Monday through Friday, with paid vacation and benefits. And maybe stock options. Maybe a hot boss. Or an office pet. And a good selection of snacks in the break room. And real coffee creamer, not that powdered shit. If anyone knows of such a job opening, let me know? Kay thanks!

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