Comfort Shows

Up until recently, I wasn't into watching reruns. Of course, there were a few exceptions - I'm pretty much always game for The Office from season 1 - season 4 or so, and of course Jeff and I will do marathon re-watches of various favorite shows, but other than that, I could think of better things to do with my time than re-watch sitcoms I had already seen (sometimes multiple times over). *DISCLAIMER - usually the "better things to do" involved filling imaginary J. Crew shopping bags online, or reading hard - hitting investigative articles on whether or not enjoying brunch makes you an asshole.*

Anyway, for some reason lately, my position on re-runs has changed. I don't know if it's my recently acquired tendency to act like a 45 year old housewife and mother of three or my slow descent into insanity, but whenever I'm by myself or at the gym, all I want to do is watch re-runs of (usually embarassing) shows that I've seen 5 times, or TERRIBLE trashy reality shows which I would never have dreamed of watching in the past. I had a similar situation in the past: when my ex and I broke up, I was a heartbroken mess (emphasis on the MESS, you guys) and would sit at my mom's house for hours on end watching re-runs of Scrubs. This was back when Scrubs was still on, and was for some reason syndicated on like three different channels, and was therefore on at LEAST 4 times a day, and I'd watch it every single time (did I mention that I was also unemployed? Well, I was.). It was all that comforted my sensitive, melodramatic young heart. This makes me concerned for my current mental state, but I digress...

1. Sex and the City.  I'm confident that I've seen every episode of this show at least twice. Back when it was still on, I owned certain portions of certain seasons on VHS because I was B-R-O-K-E back then and would only buy them when they went on clearance at my local Hollywood Video. So, while I've seen every episode twice, there are certain episodes that I've seen about 70 times and can quote every word to. I don't even think I LIKE this show, and don't know if I ever did, but I LOVE IT SO MUCH at the same time. Ah, womanhood. I'm not even sure how I manage to stomach watching it due to the fact that I am 100% unabashedly in recognition of the fact that I am the Miranda in every single group of friends I have ever been in, and knowing this fact is a dark, dark thing.
2. Full House. This is the one that makes me a little concerned for my emotional state. It's like...Full House is great. It was my favorite show growing up when I was actually LITTLE, and I hadn't really seen it since it ended in the early 90's. Of course it makes me nostalgic to watch it, but...like, I shouldn't ENJOY watching it as much as I do. It was pretty well written for what it was, but it's extremely cheesy and sickeningly sweet, and good lord is it DATED. But oh man, do I love watching it. I will pretty much literally watch it every time I see that it's on, and have gone so far as to force Jeff to watch it on occasion (which is how I know I've found a true humanitarian to spend my life with). 
3. Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I was late in the game with this one, and I am in such a shame spiral about the fact that I finally gave in. I was the self-righteous one who would raise my eyebrows to high heavens any time someone talked about Khloe or Kim or Kourtney (or Kendall or Kylie or Kris...ugh), and was maybe a little TOO proud of the fact that I had no clue which one was which (except for Kim, obviously). Then, one fateful day, E! happened to be on in the background and I caught about 30 seconds of one episode, and it was ALL OVER. I can't stop watching it. AND I THINK KHLOE IS KIND OF COOL. Like, I'd actually hang out with her. I'm considering watching Khloe and Kourtney take the Hamptons. I mean, WHAT WILL SCOTT DO NEXT?? That guy is crazy.
4. The Office. I'll always watch pretty much any Office re-run, with the exception of the last 2 seasons (I mean, James Spader is pretty much the greatest ever, but Robert California? Come on. And don't even get me STARTED on Will Farrell's stint.) That show was my life for at least 4 years, and even after that it'll always hold a special place in my heart, and I will watch all of the Christmas episodes probably 100 times in my life. I don't even care if it's the Christmas season, and I'm usually a stickler for staying true to the season to a freakish level.
5. How I Met Your Mother. I had a pretty tumultuous relationship with this show, because when it started sucking, IT REALLY SUCKED (Zoey? More like NO-ey.) But the first several seasons were magical, and I think Jeff and I consider it to be unofficially "Our Show". Some couples have songs, some shut-in couples have shows. Quit judging us.
6. Gilmore Girls. No explanation required, I think.
7. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. This show has had a weird run - it went from kind of lackluster in its first season to HYSTERICAL in the next few seasons to almost unwatchably bizarre (and I LIKE bizarre), but there are episodes in the earlier seasons that I haven't seen, and I'll watch it pretty much whenever I see an episode in my TiVo suggestions list, and if "The Nightman Cometh" or the one where Dee and Charlie become cannibals pops up, it's the best day ever.
8. Friends. Another one I've seen every episode of, many multiple times. I'm not a Friends fanatic like a lot of people are (though I was pretty into it when it was on), and can't quote every episode or name every random fact about every character on the show, and until recently had no interest in watching the series over, but it's always on after my beloved Full House, and I think it's been long enough now to where I'll watch an episode every now and again. My favorites are the Thanksgiving episodes. Always a delight. 

So, there it is. If I'm ever at home by myself and it's after 5 PM (I have this weird thing where I don't like to watch TV during the day, with the exception of cooking shows and sometimes HGTV), I'm probably on my couch with a beer watching something embarrassing. What shows do you watch over and over, even if you don't necessarily like them?

Just why.

It's late, you guys. It's really late. There is no logical reason that I should be up, sober, at home, at this hour. But, since I'm home alone and 6 years old, I have decided that I need to watch something "cheerful" to prevent myself from...being murdered?



So, I watched an old episode of The Office (I know that that shit should be italicized or quotation marked, fuck off) that TiVo suggested that I watch, and while that was just lovely, it just wasn't enough. Or maybe it depressed me to remember how good The Office USED to be, or  how in love with John Krasinski I was, despite how stupid his hair used to look. This whole paragraph was ONE sentence.

Alright alright, I'm getting to my point. So anyway, I decided to watch something else, and ended up landing on motherfucking Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Why. Am I trying to amp up my killer instinct while I sleep? Have murderous night terrors?

Guy Motherfucking Fieri. I LOATHE this dude. I don't know if it's his FUCKING MIND-BLOWINGLY STUPID hair, his ambiguously-pronounced name, the fact that he frequently wears shirts with flames on them, his shitty restaurants that might as well be a goddamn Applebees, or just his terrible obnoxious personality. UGH, the sunglasses! And don't even get me started on this stupid show. Not only is the narration unbelievably annoying OH MY GOD I HE LITERALLY JUST PRONOUNCED "BAY LEAF" BAH-LEEFAY. As if that were the French pronunciation of the word. Uh...anyway, he's always correcting the damn business owners! He talks down to them like he's the king of every cuisine in the world and not some trashy Nascar enthusiast who swills Budweiser and oh my lord I just remembered he has a son named Harley. GOD!



So, I hate him a lot. But that caused me to realize...I hate about 75% of the people on the goddamn Food Network. And for some reason, I still legitimately enjoy watching it. I wouldn't even necessarily call myself a "foodie", though I certainly love the shit out of food. I don't even really cook very often. I bake, a LOT, but I don't even watch ANY of the million baking shows on TV, as I find them to be unwatchable. But anyway, I can't decide who bothers me more:

Sandra Lee. THIS bitch. Not only does she employ what I find to be the LAZIEST, most horrifying method ever ever EVER (Semi-homeade! Save 3 minutes by adding 500 preservatives and various food dyes to your childrens' food!), but she spends about 90% of the show concocting shitty cocktails and making elaborate table-scapes for every single meal she makes. The WHOLE POINT of the show is to SAVE TIME by using pre-made shit you can buy at the store, and then she turns around and spends 3 hours putting ribbon and silk flowers on the freaking table! And don't get me started on her Halloween episode, of which the entire purpose is for her to prance around in 30 different preposterous costumes. Christ.

Rachael Ray. Eat a dick, Rachael.

Giada De Laurentiis. It took me a while to really decide whether or not I hated her. Her personality doesn't really seem THAT awful, and she loves the shit out of chocolate. But I Cannot. Handle. Her fake Italian accent ONLY used on Italian words, and her big huge cheshire cat mouth weirds me out. Also she refuses to cook ANYTHING other than strictly Italian food. Get a hold of yourself, Giada. Nationalist.

Ina Garten, otherwise known as "The Barefoot Contessa". Okay, her recipes are LEGIT. But she calls herself THE BAREFOOT freaking CONTESSA. What the fuck? Also, she lives in the Hamptons, only shops in this pretentious little gourmet shops, only hangs out with gay men (and her husband Jeffrey, who is clearly also gay), and is constantly name-dropping famous people. Fuck you, Ina.



Please believe I could continue for days...I didn't even touch on Paula Deen and her ridiculous accent. I DO feel that I would be remiss if I didn't mention my undying adoration for Alton Brown, though. I could (and probably will) write an entire separate blog just about his adorable little face, his silly little characters, and the way that he not only teaches me HOW to cook, but WHY I need to do certain things, and the science behind all of that. I love you, Alton. I'm sorry that you have to share a network with all of these ridiculous tools.



I'm sorry that I sometimes write when I'm half-asleep, friends.